California, Here I Come

You see, I'm a native Californian. I am the daughter of a native Californian and the grand-daughter of a (Baja) Californian. I am the mother of two native Californians and one (who, tho conceived in the Golden State) was born on an island somewhat off the coast - Oahu. The vast majority of my thirteen grandchildren were also born in California. I have always been proud of my state.

I have just finished an eleven day "tour" of the State. I have seen deserts, both high and low. This time of the year they are studded with the white "Lord's Candle" blooms of the Yucca plant, the purple sage blooms and the golden poppies. I have seen the Sierras still capped with snow surrounding valleys of small farms and ranches. I have been to Burney Falls. Never heard of it? If you ever way-up-North in California, it is worth the visit. High in the Sierra, the melting snow cascades over a face of rock in a way too beautiful to describe. It was cool there, with the light dappled thru the pines. Just the rest we needed that day. Refreshing to both my body and my spirit. We reached the coast at Crescent City. Not the blue water and sunny beaches this Southern California girl is used to, but the grey/blue of a colder, more rugged Pacific. Like "the other side of the coin" - both equally beautiful, just very different.

I know, I know... there are other places where one can drive from the mountains to the sea. I've "been there, done that" in a few states. But the mountains were not the Sierras and the sea not the warm and welcoming Pacific and those places were not HOME.

Glad to be back in my corner of California.

This One's for You, Kyle

One never knows what life is going to throw at you next. Just be willing to catch whatever it is and drop it if it's bad and hang on if it's good. You are a remarkable person. I know that you are there and we are here - our meetings are few and far between. But, you are a part of our lives. Your Grandfather is tremendously proud of you, you know. He has been since you were born. That you are 18 years old is astonishing! Graduating from high school next week, too. I remember when we first met you (I'm sure you don't). Your Grand dad took you in his arms, you looked him directly in the eye, and he was hooked. We are here for you, oldest of the 13, whatever comes. Congratulations and love.1

Nothing Much

Nothing much going on, just the usual ~ housework undone, laundry to sort, projects past due... too tired to really get concerned that everything is "on hold" because that's the way I feel, "on hold". Suspended, really between here and there. Always one phase beginning and one ending. Can you tell today is not one of my best?

The End of Something...

Today marked the end of my radiation/electron booster treatments. What a remarkable time it's been. I've met some fellow travelers who are living proof of the power of the will to survive. A young mother with stage 4 cancer and small children to care for who tells her stories at a mile a minute pace... an older lady who lives alone and talks to herself while waiting for her turn on the table... an elderly couple (he is the patient) who hold hands and visit with everyone in the waiting room... We all, of course, have the same thing in common - we are being treated for cancer. But I think that is not our only common bond. We are all talking, trying to hold back the dark, scary thoughts that come when you least expect them. We are all willing the process to work, that we will be among the elect - the survivors. I celebrated today when I left thru the RADIATION - ONCOLOGY double doors. My going away presents were two helium-filled balloons and an Avon note jotter with the cancer awareness ribbon in pink rhinestones across the cover. To tell you the truth, I doubt that 8:15 a.m., Monday thru Friday will ever be the same for me. At least, I hope not. I hope that I do not forget the ones who are still showing up every day. I hope that I do not forget that there will be more that will follow them. I hope I don't forget to pray for us all. I hope God hears me.

Ya' Gotta Love It...

Well, dear visitor, I think it's about time that I "post" again. I've been a little busy lately, but my nearest and dearest know what that's about and the rest of you could probably care less. So, I have been e-peeping at the blogs of my children and their spouse(s). I am learning more than if I had invaded their individual privacies while they lived under my roof! Read their diaries? Gods forbid! Eavesdrop on their phone calls (when all we had was a landline - with numerous extensions) I don't think so! If I had only known that with patience and time I could find out anything just by looking.... My younger biological unit finds song lyrics to echo her thoughts and life experiences. Me, too. Let's sing a few choruses of "Send in the Clowns". My middle monkey is a remarkable woman, juggling a verrrrry full life with her faith in God her rock and foundation. She will be just fine and so will her individually amazing children. I have an "additional daughter" who has discovered the joy of lists. I, too, tried lists. Lists to prioritize, lists as reminders, lists of grievances, lists of my lists... Alas, the concept eventually became so overwhelming, I now longer list. Actually, my posture has always been one of my best features. My favorite son (actually, my only son) is as well-written as he is well-spoken. Some of his blogs are undecipherable, especially when he is in "Master Modeler" mode. Ah, the age of communication -- ya' gotta love it! It is still wonderful to be privy to all of their thoughts and thought-processes. That these remarkable individuals are in my life,is amazing. That I gave life to three of them is the highpoint of my life. That I have had the miraculous good fortune to have two other "daughters" enter my life and heart through no effort on my part is just that - miraculous!

How and Why

No sense to wonder either way
Our gods, not we, arrange the day.